Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
