i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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