did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
