Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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