No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
