I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
