i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
