I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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