Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
