I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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