I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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