he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
