After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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