Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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