I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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