shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
