Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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