What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
