dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
