I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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