So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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