flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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