The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
