I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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