Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
