I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
In America we eat man semen.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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