Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
