if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
