i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
