normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize