I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I checked into jail on foursquare
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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