I think I died a long time ago.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
