did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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