Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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