Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
