My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
