My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
