you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
