I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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