I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
