Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize