Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
