just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
