I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
