there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Someone signed my nipple.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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