Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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