you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
