He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
