my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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