the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
