Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
