I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
