I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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