I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Redeem this text for a blowjob
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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