when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
