Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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