Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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