i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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