your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
