dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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