I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
