I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
