Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
