You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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