She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
