he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
