I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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