just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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