you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
