I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
