Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
