I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
