In the future we'll all be gay
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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