I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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