I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
