She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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