Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
