Your dad touched me again.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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