Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
