I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
