I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
