it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
