you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
