oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
