The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
bring money and cleavage
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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