I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
