This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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