im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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