There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
