Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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