i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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