the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
