Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
