He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
