My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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