i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
